Victorian Mourning Etiquette

 

by Kristin Holt

 

Everyone was born. Everyone eventually dies. Every culture has its methods of celebrating, acknowledging, and properly managing both. In the Victorian-era United States, many of the traditions surrounding the mourning period came directly from mother England. After all, emigrants brought their attitudes, practices, and ideas of propriety with them.

STAY HOME!

The Ladies' and Gentlemens' Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Mrs. E. B. (Eliza Bisbee) Duffey, published in 1877 in Philadelphia by Porter and Coates.

 

NO VISITING

The Ladies' and Gentlemens' Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Mrs. E. B. (Eliza Bisbee) Duffey, published in 1877 in Philadelphia by Porter and Coates.

WHICH HOUSES ARE IN MORNING?

The Ladies' and Gentlemens' Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Mrs. E. B. (Eliza Bisbee) Duffey, published in 1877 in Philadelphia by Porter and Coates.

 

NOTICES

The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Mrs. E. B. (Eliza Bisbee) Duffey, published in 1877 in Philadelphia by Porter and Coates, excerpts from page 216 - 217.

Then as now, newspaper announcements mark the passing of young and old. As do notification of next-of-kin, whether done via mail or telegraph by family members or those in charge (such as the attorney who contacted Felicity Percival before Courting Miss Cartwright begins. Little did she know, her father had lived a few hundred miles from her, but she'd never known so much as his name. Interested to see how she takes it? Read the first two scenes, in their entirety, with the "Look Inside" feature on Amazon.com or the opening scene within a blog article (that introduced this novella when it debuted within the 90-day long 1st page bestselling western historical romance anthology, Cowboys and Calico).

Stationery marketed specifically for mourning, announcements or condolences. Montgomery Ward and Co Catalog, 1895, p 112.

The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Mrs. E. B. (Eliza Bisbee) Duffey, published in 1877 in Philadelphia by Porter and Coates.

LIVE (and die) WITHIN YOUR MEANS

PERIOD OF MOURNING

The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Mrs. E. B. (Eliza Bisbee) Duffey, published in 1877 in Philadelphia by Porter and Coates.

 

BLACK CLOTHING

Though Queen Victoria was not monarch to United States citizens, most idealized her fashion statements, her expectations and behavior (etiquette). If Queen Victoria wore black to mourn lost loved ones, so did Americans with the means to do so. [Mrs. Duffey's etiquette book explains in detail how we cannot separate ourselves from our English roots and English etiquette.]

This photograph shows "Queen Victoria with the five surviving children of her daughter, Princess Alice, dressed in mourning clothing for their mother and their sister Princess Marie in early 1879." Image: Public Domain. Source: Wikipedia, which further explains, "Princess Irene, kneeling on the left, with her grandmother Queen Victoria and, from left to right, her sister Elizabeth, brother Ernst-Ludwig, sister Victoria and, seated on the floor, her sister Alix in February 1879, two months after the death of her mother."

This second photograph of the royal princesses (1862) shows "Victoria's five daughters (Alice, Helena, Beatrice, Victoria and Louise), photographed wearing mourning black beneath a bust of their late father, Prince Albert (1862)." Image: Public Domain. Source: Wikipedia.

"In Britain, black is the colour traditionally associated with mourning for the dead. The customs and etiquette expected of men, and especially women, were rigid during much of the Victorian era. The expectations depended on a complex hierarchy of close or distant relationship with the deceased. The closer the relationship, the longer the mourning period and the wearing of black." [Source]

MOURNING ATTIRE

These two 1898 artist's rendition of Mourning is from Harper's Bazaar (originally had one a: Bazar)(1867-1898), page 291.  

The image that follows further explains from Harper's Bazaar the fashion of mourning attire, including fabric selections, accoutrements such as veils, jackets, ribbons, collars, and cuffs.

Note the alternate historic spelling of today's "crêpe" as "crape". Wikipedia shows an image of an historic "mourning bonnet in hard crape". (This image verifies the historic spelling as well as provides an excellent image of this fabric for recognition purposes.)

Mourning Attire 1898. Snapshot of text on p 291 of Harper's Bazaar 1867-1898

Note: Gray is was not appropriate for initial mourning. Mrs. E.B. Duffey made that quite clear:

The Ladies' and Gentlemens' Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society by Mrs. E. B. (Eliza Bisbee) Duffey, published in 1877 in Philadelphia by Porter and Coates.

 

BLACK ARM BANDS

"In some cultures, a black armband signifies that the wearer is in mourning or wishes to identify with the commemoration of a family friend, comrade or team member who has died. This use is particularly common in the first meeting following the loss of a member." [Source]

Note the black armband worn over Rocky Gideon's sleeve on the cover of Courting Miss Cartwright. (I didn't intentionally choose this...but my cover designer (and author) Charlene Raddon of Silver Sage Book Covers had read the story and knew exactly the circumstances my characters found themselves in. Two points for Charlene!)

MOURNING JEWELRY

Mourning Jewelry made of jet, for sale in the Sears, Roebuck & Co. Catalogue No. 104 of 1897, pp 436.

Did you note the jet ear drops worn by Queen Victoria's daughters and granddaughters in the mourning family photographs shown earlier?

MOURNING BUTTONS

Mourning Buttons for sale in the Sears, Roebuck & Co. Catalogue No 104 of  1897.Also made of jet, these black buttons with lever backs were added to shirts made (intentionally) without buttons (much like the use of cuff links to 'button' a double button-hole in French-cuff men's dress shirts of today).

CEMETERY FENCING

In an article I posted about the Victorian-era historic pioneer cemetery in Silver City, Idaho, I shared photographs I took of headstones surrounded by cemetery fencing. Pay attention next time you're in a 19th century cemetery--I imagine you'll see similar fencing setting off family plots.

Cemetery fencing for sale in the 1895 Montgomery, Ward, & Co Spring and Summer Catalogue.

BUT IN THE OLD WEST?

Most of the customs surrounding mourning and loss of loved ones, in the Old West, was dictated by availability, the demands of scraping an existence out of mines, farms, ranches, or the great Trail west. Women didn't always wear mourning fashions--because one of their two dresses likely wasn't mourning crêpe. Those on a homestead might keep weeds pulled and flowers watered--if circumstances allowed, but weren't likely to plant a purchased fence (but might scrape together enough time to build a picket fence to keep the stock from trampling the burial plots). Once the train brought "civilization", many if not all of these niceties were practiced as much as possible. Women brought a settling refinement to the Wild West, and once towns had a church, a school, and enough women, such niceties were expected.

THEN CONTRASTED TO NOW

Things have definitely changed. I attend a funeral in a black suit or simply my Sunday dress. Even when losing my beloved father-in-law, my culture doesn't dictate I wear mourning black, refrain from social events, or otherwise ensure all who see me know I'm grieving his loss. 

Pioneer and frontier women were tough. They had to be. Life went on, work waited for no man (or woman), and myriad duties awaited.

In the case of Felicity Percival (Courting Miss Cartwright), she's an outsider in a town that loved the minister who'd been a fixture in their lives for many years. To lose him to a lingering illness was a blow to the whole community. But what about the daughter who'd never met him, hadn't any idea what he looked like, or why he'd summoned her home? I couldn't imagine how this young woman would feel or the weight of unanswered questions she carried. That was one of the sparks of "What If" that set off the course of discovery in developing Felicity Percival Cartwright (and eventually, Gideon)'s story. Have you read it yet? If not, now's a great time to pick up the kindle edition. The low introductory price of $0.99 won't last long! It's been on preorder for $0.99 since October 1, 2016 and will increase to the regular price of $2.99 on Monday, November 7th. 

 

   

Used paperbacks (Harper's Bazaar) from $1.26 (+ $3.99 shipping)

Used paperbacks (Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette) 

Mrs. Duffey explains ever so much more about properly conducting oneself at this difficult time of life. She covers "Exhibition of the Corpse", "After the Funeral", "At the Funeral" and so much more.

Find Mrs. E.B. Duffey's The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society (1877):

1.  Archive.org  (free)
2.  Google.com  (free)
3.  Hathi Trust.org  (free)
4.  Forgotten Books.org  (subscription site)
5.  Amazon.com (purchase)

Did you find any of this American history surrounding the customs (and etiquette) of mourning to be surprising? Please scroll down and reply. We'd love to carry on the conversation.

Hi! I'm Kristin Holt, USA Today Bestselling Author.

I write frequent articles (or view recent posts easily on my Home Page, scroll down) about the nineteenth century American west–every subject of possible interest to readers, amateur historians, authors…as all of these tidbits surfaced while researching for my books. I also blog monthly at Sweet Americana Sweethearts (first Friday of each month) and Romancing the Genres (third Tuesday of each Month).

I love to hear from readers! Please drop me a note. Or find me on Facebook.

Sweet Romance Appropriate for All Audiences

Website | Email | Newsletter | Twitter | Pinterest | g+| Facebook Profile | Facebook Fan Page | Amazon

---