Where Does My Female Character Fit In the Family? by Zina Abbott

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the challenges of staying on track while working on the computer is avoiding the time-wasters. Some I have struggled with through the years have been emails, Pinterest, and Facebook. My latest (thanks, but no thanks, A.I. and targeted marketing) are the articles that pop up when I click on a browser. I try to ignore them. However when one catches my interest, I decide it is time for a "break," and I read.

That was how I came across the article titled

Eldest Daughter Syndrome: What It Is And 12 Signs ToLook For, According To Experts

This caught my interest for two reasons. 

First, I am an oldest child and an eldest daughter. Did I recognize myself in some of the common traits listed? Oh, yeah.

Second, the heroine in my current work in progress, Sue, is an eldest daughter. As I reread some of the interactions between her and her mother in the first chapter, I realized had it down pat how to depict an oldest daughter. Here are a few excerpts:

"...I suspect he is looking for a milkmaid as much as a wife. It’s one thing to milk one cow for a family’s personal use. But, a whole barn full of cows that need milking twice a day?” Puffing a breath through almost closed lips, she raised her gaze to the ceiling.

            “You’ve never complained, so I had no idea you felt that way about milking the cow...." 

and (speaking of when her stepsister, Lucy, lived with the family):

"...Before she took over all the teaching duties, we mothers were taking turns having the local children at our houses. After she took over, I noticed you gradually became less of a student and more of an assistant teacher.”

and again:

"...But, at least I had my own room. I was the oldest, and I knew you counted on my help. That helped me feel special.”

            “You have always been special, Susan. I hope you never felt like I ignored you or took you for granted..."

"That never meant we forgot you, Susan. You were our constant in the storms of life. When more was required to take care of this family than what your Papa Jack and I could do alone, we knew we could always count on you to pitch in.”  

            “Thank you for saying so, Mama.” Lips parted, Susan jerked her gaze to the side as she allowed her mother’s words to sink in. Our constant in the storms of life. As much as she loved copying her mother’s ways and following in her footsteps, she never realized that was how her mother and Papa Jack saw her...."

What characteristics can often be seen in an eldest daughter?

 - She is given more responsibilities than younger siblings.

 - She learns to anticipate what her parents will expect, and she organizes things in advance in order not to disappoint them. "A place for everything, and everything in its place."

 - She is expected to set a good example for both behavior and accomplishments.

Older sister cares for brother while mother away

 -  She is expected to do more household chores and sibling childcare than expected of younger siblings. She tends to be assigned the more difficult or unpleasant tasks compared to her siblings.

  -  She is expected to help manage the emotional well-being of younger siblings, to be responsible to "keep the peace," regardless of whether or not the younger siblings are willing to cooperate.

 - Because parents tend to have higher expectations of their eldest daughter, she can often experience anxiety, guilt, or frustration when she does not or cannot meet those expectations. 

Children whose birth order falls elsewhere have other challenges and characteristics. 

A middle child or children do not feel under as much pressure as the eldest daughter. However, they often feel overlooked, which can lead to acts of rebellion.

Youngest children are not under the same pressure to help take care of younger siblings. They tend to be more outgoing, playful, creative, and independent. By the time they come along, parents are not as rigid--they have learned what works and what doesn't. Parents are older and often have less energy, so younger siblings get away with things more easily.

 

Sue, book 55 in the Prairie Roses Collection, is currently on pre-order. It is scheduled for release on May 16, 2025.

For the book description and purchase options, please CLICK HERE.

 

When I reread this article, I found it interesting to realize my heroine in my last year's Prairie Roses Collection romance was also an oldest daughter. The way I wrote her character, she also exhibited eldest daughter traits, but several were different than those of her stepsister, Sue.  Right now, Lucy is on a Kindle Countdown sale. In addition to being available on Kindle Unlimited, it is for sale for only 99c through May 14, 2025.

For the book description and purchase options, please CLICK HERE.