Falling, falling, falling, Lily Whitefield finally closed her eyes against
the sensation gripping her and dragging her
downward into a new depth of
despair. One she thought she’d reached three years ago, and overcome when her
world had come crashing down around her.
She clutched Wythe Radcliffe’s letter close to her chest and swung away
from the window, trying to steady her trembling hand and heaving bosom. Why was
she so unhappy when she knew deep in her heart this day would come?
Her fingers traced her lips where Edwin Waterman had once placed his. She
remembered the first time he’d kissed her before running off yelling, one day
he was going to make her his wife. Granted they had been children at the time,
but she had loved him from the moment she’d shocked everyone by taking her
first few steps so she could play with him.
“What a glorious afternoon.” Sarah came swanning into the hall from
outdoors, her lips still swollen from Edwin’s kiss. Lily patted the hair
hanging low over her right eye in place.
She spun to greet her sister who was in the process of disrobing, handing
her shawl and parasol to the maid waiting at the front door. Sarah blinked when
her gaze settled on Lily, a hand flew to cover her mouth and she took a step
backward, then began to stutter.
“Er…ah, Lily, I didn’t see you standing there.”
“I came down to retrieve my mail.”
Lily raised the open letter, grateful she still had a hold of it. The need
to prove she’d not been spying on her younger sister, moved strongly within
her. The truth was, she hadn’t been spying. She saw her post and began to read
it, when her sister’s voice had traveled from outside the building and flowed
lyrically through the open window.
It pulled her forward like a magnet until she was almost pressed up against
the open pane. Unable to look away or close her eyes, she was forced to witness
the scene play out in front of her, crushing her heart into a million pieces.
The corners of her mouth turned upward and froze in position as practiced
to display the fake joy she should be feeling for her sister. But she couldn’t
when it was at the expense of the future she had once foreseen for herself.
However, no matter what the situation or the feelings going on inside her,
she would continue being the loving sister she had always been and wish her
little sister well.
How Lily’s life turned out, had nothing to do with Sarah. It was God’s will,
a punishment for her shallow ways and vanity. Had she been humble like Sarah,
maybe she would have been allowed to maintain her once flawless beauty. As it
was, she was thankful to still be alive and able to do everything as before,
but better somehow, in a strange and unexpected way.
Their father stepping out of his study, drew the girls’ attention. He
paused, buttoning his vest.
“Good, you’re both on time for dinner, a welcome change. Shall we go and
eat?” He held his elbows outward for each of his daughters to take an arm, and
led them into the dining room.
“Well, now, Sarah, would you like to enlighten your sister and I, as to why
you were making such a ruckus on the front porch?”
He held Lily’s chair for her. She slipped her letter into the pocket of her
skirt and sat. Then he walked around to Sarah and did the same.
Sarah kept her head lowered, refusing to look at Lily, her cheeks darkening
and her hand quivering as she picked up her napkin. Focused on every intricate
movement her sister made, Lily remained silent. She knew what it was Sarah had
to share with them, and tried to prepare herself for the inevitable.
She had perfected this state since Edwin asked her father’s permission to
court Sarah, once Lily had rejected his continued interest after the accident.
Knowing it was what he and his father truly wanted, but were too polite to say.
After making her decision to leave Edwin, she’d begun to think perhaps
she’d been too rash in her assessment of their situation. Edwin had stood by
her side after the accident, without complaint.
Although his silent acceptance had troubled her. Unlike most, he never
flinched when he saw the unsightly aftereffect of her injury, nor did he make
any comment regarding it. It was as if he didn’t see her flaw. But she did—every
time she looked in the mirror.
He’d protested when she called off the engagement, declaring he still loved
her, and nothing would ever change how he felt. She’d been stubborn for months,
not wishing to see him or anyone else outside of her small family. During this
time, she’d encouraged Sarah to befriend Edwin to help him through the breakup,
while she came to terms with the fact she was no longer beautiful.
Her chance to visit Edwin and tell him she’d changed her mind was stripped
away when her father announced over dinner one evening. “In light of Lily’s
rejection, Edwin’s father has asked for Sarah’s hand instead.”
Hurt had convinced Lily her suspicions had been correct; even though they
had parted ways almost a year ago.
Lily disappeared into herself, resigned to remain a loveless spinster for
the rest of her life.
Not having the heart to take away Sarah’s joy at the news she’d be the one
to marry Edwin. She’d kept her hurt feelings to herself and had painted a smile
on her face—the same one she wore now.
Sarah had been sweet on Edwin for almost as long as Lily. She’d often
openly told Lily of her jealousy. Now it was Lily’s time to be jealous,
although she wasn’t surprised by the disclosure.
Initially, when Edwin and Sarah met, it was to ask Sarah to convince Lily
to change her mind. Over the months, Sarah stopped sharing what they spoke
about.
Lily was smart enough to know her fleeting change of heart to reconcile
with Edwin was because she could sense two of the people she loved most in the
world were slipping away from her. It had been her unspoken vain attempt to
hold onto the past. Her only saving grace was, she never told anyone she’d
changed her mind.
“So, baby girl, what was it?”
The use of Sarah’s pet name coming from her father’s deep baritone voice
woke her from her reminiscing. Lily’s head snapped to attention. She stilled
herself for her sister’s response, clutching the letter in her pocket for
strength.
“Well…er…well…er.” Sarah licked her lips and took a sip of water. Her
lashes half-mast, cloaking her eyes from view as she kept her face turned
toward their father. “Edwin gave me some exciting news. I wasn’t supposed to
tell as his father is coming to speak with you later today. He wants to come to
supper tonight.”
Unable to listen to any more of Sarah’s fumbling’s to keep her stupid
secret, in the vain hope of saving her feelings, Lily stood.
“It’s simple, father, Edwin has finished school, his father wants him to
begin his political career, so he needs a wife beside him. I think what Sarah
is struggling to tell you is they want to bring the wedding forward.”
“How…how could you know?” Sarah’s mouth fell open, her eyes glistening with
unshed tears and sympathy.
It was the sympathy part Lily hated. Life is what it is, and she’d known
all along Edwin would need a wife from a prestigious family to help further his
political future. Edwin had big plans, they’d talked of nothing else when they
were together.
“May I be excused?” Lily asked. Without waiting for a response, she left
the room.
She would not stand by and watch the life, which should have been hers,
played out in front of her by another woman. She loved her sister and was happy
for her, but she was equally unhappy for herself. The only thing keeping her
sane were the words on her letter from a man she’d never seen.
It was time to change
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